Hot Topic: Chris would probably just have been happy for the foreplay!

So, I have decided to condense all the nonsensical ramblings which seem to occur when I'm at work into a single, weekly post, which, since I work in a kitchen, I thought it would be nice to call it Hot Topic.

Working in an environment straight out of one of Dante's circles of hell, it's a good idea to either have a warped sense of humor involving the word c*nt, self deprecation and calling Phill a sex pest, or to smoke copious amounts of cigarettes and slowly turn your lungs into dehydrated figs,  or perhaps both. So what have we been rambling about this week??



Firstly, we have the age old question, if you were falling off of a cliff, and someone saved you by grabbing your penis and hauling you up by your junk, would you be A) Grateful B) Mortified or C) Indifferent? Personally I would be grateful, what with not having ended up a piece of beach pate, and any damage to said penis could easily be rubbed better by some Asian hooker, I'd pay extra for that happy ending! Phill was mortified and kept repeating "But they'd have broken my cock..." and Chris would probably just have been happy for the foreplay! I doubt this situation would ever occur, but if you did 'cock up' and slip off a cliffs edge, hopefully someone would grab you by the arm rather than your non elastic member.

Secondly, to lower the tone, we discussed the many different names of poo, and then to add to the glitz and glamour of the topic, we decided which Pokemon abilities they would have. Obviously Splash came up, however, it wasn't very effective. Never have I ever heard of anyone describing a dump as a 'cigar' as Phill did, however next time I light up a stogey, perhaps I will look at it twice! The words sloppy and mega dump cropped up, as well as the mystery poo. which I am sure everyone has had to contend with. With regards to powers though,  I think harden may be a pretty damn good one to use, in conjunction with another attack. Bubble, Poison Gas, Leech Seed and Waterfall also seem Super Effective, and also ridiculously well named for the chosen subject.



Finally though, we come to perhaps the strangest, most outlandish topic. It was brought to our attention, via Phill, that there was a man in Egypt fearful of his life, since he looked so fucking much like Saddam Hussein, that there was a group intent on kidnapping him and forcing him to make Saddam Hussein themed porno films. Cue names like The Dick-tator, Weapons of Ass destruction, Up the Shiite-er and Baghdad Banger Babes 1 - 17. Now, I don't know about you, but never have I ever considered the idea of kidnap as a reasonable, viable idea to get anyone to do what I want. And to kidnap someone to do porn, and not just any type of porn, but Saddam Hussein based porn, is either the greatest, or dumbest as shit type of idea that has possibly been touted around in the whole of human existence. How in the name of crusty jugglers do you get to that point, where the idea of kidnapping someone who looks like Mr Hussein to do some low rent, Arab porn is the greatest single idea mankind has ever known. I know when I'm pissed and hungry I think Dixy chicken in Wakefield is a damn good idea, but then there's always that conversation at the begining of the night where everyone agrees "We ain't going to Dixy chicken, they serve salmonella between a bun." But no, we end up there, munching on their drumsticks like there's no tomorrow. That's forgivable, because after seven Jaegerbombs, anything like that seems like a good idea. But, HOW. THE. FUCK. Did they come to that conclusion. Arabs.... They are weirder than we know. Perhaps there are some Arab men, dressed in Burkahs because they love the looks they draw from other men. Who knows!!!

So, since I decided to do this today, there's only three topics, however, expect more dumbass deliberation and topics straight from the horses arse every sunday after the working week. Might even see about doing an podcast or two every so often between Phill, Chris and I, as we chat shit and talk bollocks. Until next time, adios and if you have any opinions, then KEEP THEM TO YOURSELVES! Lol, JK, leave me a comment. Laters potaters!