I'd go source one from a local butcher and hide it in my kids mashed potato.

So, the difficult second post. Will this be an Evil Empire...A Second Coming or indeed a Spiceworld? So, I wonder, with a name which is Nordic for Zombie, should I post something about zombies? Or perhaps play on the subtle undertone of consumerism, especially at this primary gifting period or take the Charlie Brooker route of reality TV and how we all seem to be glued to the TV set watching Simon Cowell lead the procession of mawkish idiots who can just hold a tune and look like House of Frazer model rejects. (Says the fat man with too much body hair...am I jealous?? NO!) I dislike the turgid, flaccid excuse of shows like the X factor and I'm a dwindling celebrity watch me humiliate myself for your entertainment. I dislike them immensely. They seem to objectify the problem with modern society, the schadenfreude of the wet, sloppy fart of commercialism which parade in front of our eyes on the idiot box, drawing us in with flashy lights, Lady Gaga or Kelly Rowland gyrating their hips at you whilst wearing meat or fish or whale blubber or whatever the fashion it is that they're promoting this week, with adverts for the latest flashy Ipod Minute 7.4 and female porn like "Hello", "Oh" and "Sexually Repressed Housewife Weekly". I have personally never voted in a TV show poll. I barely earn enough for them to have them take my cold, hard cigarette fund away from me, therefore why would I pay for them to show me some gimp from a TV show about Essex or Hollyoaks eat a kangaroo testicle??? If I felt like I wanted to watch that, I'd go source one from a local butcher and hide it in my kids mashed potato.

So, I'm not gonna talk about zombies, no no no no no. No.  Even though I want to see World War Z. A Lot. And the second half of The Walking Dead. Which has been brilliant, a masterclass in suspense building if ever I was in a position to comment. I've read a lot of comments from people moaning that "There rnt enuff zombies eatin thins blah blah blah" however, in response to these brainless (ha ha, see what I did there!) comments, what they've done is concentrate on the character development. Shane is merrily descending into a primal, survival driven monster, who's primary goal in the new 'Walker' infested world is to defend Lori, Carl and her unborn child. Neato. But again, I'm mumbling incoherently about zombies. Let me deviate, and not be such a linear, zombie driven tool. In a year that has been full of global upheaval, what with the Arab Summer, the riots in England, the slow, painful collapse of the Eurozone, a confederation of European states lead by zee Germans, which surprisingly sounds scarily like the confederation of European states lead by zee Germans that Hitler wanted, hmmm, and the occupy movement of middle class gap year students making whimsickle points about bankers and what not whilst daddy works at Morgan Dean Stanley and bought them the tent, the stove, the paints to make their placards and the ticket to London so him and the wife can get themselves a few weeks peace and test out that new sex swing of theirs. I look at all of this and wonder how, on a whole, it has affected me. ME! How has it all affected moi. In all honesty, not one single fucking fucking fucking bit. Fucking fucking fucking. Fuck. In a way, I wish it would have had a direct impact on my life. At least then, in some way shape or form, I could feel like the year has at least molded my life for the year, alas, no. OK, my cigarettes cost more (bastards!) and there's more people telling me to quit, however, if everyone in the country stopped smoking, we would lose tax faster than a hooker snorts blow. Apart from that, not one iota. Nothing. All these major worldwide things, and nope, not a sausage. Damn my life feels insignificant. Perhaps I should talk about zombies.

Brains.